simarillion (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
simarillion) wrote2009-05-30 11:24 pm
simarillion) wrote2009-05-30 11:24 pm
FIC: "Avalanches Approaching" (9/10)
Avalanches Approaching
By Simarillion
Fandom: Supernatural RPS
Universe: Alternative Universe
Rating: PG-13/R (this instalment)
Beta: Asm Z
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki, Jared Padalecki/Sandra McCoy (mentioned), others
Warnings: slash, M/M
Word Count: 2,978 (28,195 total)
Summary: Extra! Extra! Read all about it! (Of pictures, and rumours, and beginnings)
Disclaimer: None of the herein presented happenings and events are true. Everything is 100% fiction and that includes the sexuality of the characters. I don’t claim to be in the know about their relations and private affairs, and I don’t make any money with the creation of this story.
Author’s Note: I changed the age of Jensen and Jared, they are the same age now. The plot wouldn’t really work otherwise.
This is part 3 of the Glaciology! ‘verse. Jensen is a scientist in the field of glaciology and he spends most of his time surrounded by ice, whereas Jared is a Hollywood movie star. Prequel to this story are Invisible Glaciers and Iceberg Anatomy.
[Masterpost]
Part Nine
It’s three days after his return from LA that Jensen gets a call from Chris. The caller ID takes him by surprise, because usually his friend is preparing to go on stage at such a time. He picks up, wedging the cell between his shoulder and his ear, and continues scrubbing the carpet Dean tore through the dirt in the afternoon.
“Hey.” He sounds a bit distracted from the cleaning he’s doing.
“Jensen. I was thinking, me being in Dallas and all, and you being back from LA, we should meet.” Jensen looks up from what he’s doing.
“Why are you in Dallas? I thought the band’s touring right now.” He sets the brush aside and sits down on the bathroom floor. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Or, at least nothing bad. We got an offer from a guy who wants us to compose a soundtrack for his movie. Something independent. Since the gigs we were having were for free anyway, we just rescheduled.” He can hear Chris moving around his apartment, opening the fridge, bottles clinking against each other. “So, what about it? You got time to come over?”
“Sure, I just have to change clothes. I’ll be at your place in half an hour.” Jensen glances at the carpet and decides that he’ll just let it soak overnight and work on the stains tomorrow.
“Great. And bring your guitar.”
“Will do.” Chris hangs up and Jensen puts the carpet into the tub, filling it a little bit with water, and then heads for his room, to get out of the dirty clothes.
It’s actually twenty-five minutes later when he knocks on Chris’ door. There’s the sound of footsteps and then his friend opens up, letting him in. Jensen moves from the entrance to the living room where beers are already open and waiting to be drunk.
“Sit your ass down.” Chris plops down onto he couch and props his feet up on the coffee table. Jensen sits down as well, but keeps his feet on the floor. He gratefully takes the beer Chris hands over.
“So?” Chris watches him closely but Jensen just ignores him and takes another swig from his bottle.
“So what?” He looks over at Chris and waits for an explanation.
His friend just raises an eyebrow, telling Jensen to quit dicking around and just tell him what he wants to know. The thing is Jensen can guess what Chris wants to know, but he refuses to make it that easy for him. If he can’t even ask properly for the info he’s interested in, Jensen’s not going to pour his heart like a chick. He can be as emotionally stunted as any other guy.
“Come on, Jensen. LA, Jared Padalecki, you having the hots for the guy since you know what having the hots for someone is. Any of that ringing a bell?” Chris grimaces at the words, as if admitting that he’s just as interested as anybody else in gossip is making him less macho.
“Ah, that.” Jensen grins mischievously, enjoying his friends pained look. He takes pity on Chris though and sets the beer bottle aside. “Well, it was fun.”
“Fun?” Chris looks at Jensen as if the other has gone insane. “You get to stay with Jared Padalecki, and all it was is fun?”
“Yeah, well, what do you want me to say, Chris?” Jensen sighs, resigned. “It’s not news that I’m attracted to him, and it’s also old hat that my crush is no crush anymore. Take aside the movie thing, and he would be perfect. He’s hot, is fun to be around, and he loves dogs just as much as I do. He’s loyal to his friends, and he’s a Texas boy just like us.”
“Most of that I already knew.” Chris is rolling his beer bottle in his hands. “So what’s new? Any epiphanies while you stayed with him.”
“Yeah, those I had a couple of.” He grins wryly at Chris. “Number one, there’s this movie thing I already mentioned. How bothersome it can get, we all got to experience. I mean, Chris, my family got besieged by the press, and all that happened was him showing me the tourist spots of Hollywood.”
“Well, if you want to be his friend, you’ll have to find a way to deal with that crap.” There’s the hint of a question in Chris’s voice.
“I want to be his friend.” At this his friend nods but frowns slightly. “I know you warn me every time you get the chance to be careful, to not get in too deep, but Chris there’s no reason to worry about anything. First off, there’s the publicity problem, then there’s the job thing. And I’m not talking about him, I’m talking about myself. Can you see me living in California? No snow throughout the year?”
Chris chuckles amused at Jensen’s incredulous tone.
“I love what I’m doing, and I know that starting anything with someone like Jared Padalecki, I would have to make sacrifices. Get a teaching position somewhere and go back to joining expeditions during the holidays.”
“Dude, you really thought about it.” Chris stares at him in alarm. “Jensen…”
“Chris, no.” He glares at his friend. “Yes, I was wondering if it could actually work, but as I said, twice now, the press is a big hurdle. As is me having to sacrifice what I worked so hard for. And last but not least, he’s straight. There’s no way he would ever consider starting up anything with a guy.” Jensen sighs. “I know that for certain.”
“How do you know that?”
“I didn’t ask if that’s what you mean. It was just something he said. I was asking him about the stupid rumors in the press, and when I told him about the story that him having an affair with another man was said to be the reason for the break up he had with Sandra McCoy, he laughed and said that there’s no way something like that would happen.” He reaches for the beer bottle on the table and takes a swig, wetting his throat. “That about destroyed any idiotic ideas I had about an utopic world where he would be at least remotely interested in me.”
Chris for once does not rag on Jared and scold Jensen for being interested in the other man. They just drink their beer and say nothing for a while.
“How about some pizza?” Jensen laughs at Chris attempt of creating a distraction.
“That sounds awesome.” Jensen watches Chris head for the pizza menu. He brings it back into the living room and hands it to Jensen.
“But don’t pick something stupid like the last time. No pineapples on the pizza, and no spinach either.” Chris grabs his phone and presses one on his speed dial. Leave it to Chris to have the pizzeria on number one.
“I’ll just take the same you’re having.” Jensen sets the menu down and waits for Chris to place the order. They’re given an estimated time of thirty minutes, and Chris declares that pizza calls for a new beer.
While Chris goes to the kitchen, Jensen drains the rest of the drink in his bottle. He’s sitting back and relaxing when his cell phone rings, vibrating in his pocket. Jensen fishes it out and checks the ID. It’s Jared. Surprised he flips the phone open.
“Hey!” Jensen gets up from the couch as Chris returns from the kitchen and nods at the fire escape. His friend nods back, and Jensen climbs out through the window.
“Hi.” Jared’s voice is flat, and the lifeless tone sends a chill down Jensen’s spine.
“What’s the matter, Jared?” His question is met by an incredulous snort.
“That’s what I should be asking you. I heard that you had a run in with some journalists at the airport. I thought that nothing happened on your way to Dallas.” The accusation and anger takes Jensen by surprise, and he feels guilty even though he doesn’t know what he’s feeling guilty about.
“It was just a stupid asshole who asked some questions about you and me.” The night air is still very warm, and unlike California, where there had always been a breeze wafting up from the sea, here in the city, the air is stuffy and doesn’t move the tiniest bit.
“And what did you say to him?” If Jared’s voice had been accusing before, it was angry now.
“I didn’t say anything. I told him that if he wouldn’t let me go I would press charges about harassment.” Jensen wonders what is going on with Jared.
“Is that so?” The sarcasm is dripping from the words.
“Yeah, that’s the truth.” He frowns upset. “Jared, what is going on?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I get a call from my PR manager who tells me that a journalist was attacked by my gay lover when being asked about out relationship. I was then told that he has a statement you gave him.” Jensen can only gape dumbfounded at what he hears.
“That’s crap. First of, I didn’t attack anybody, I might have shoved him a little, to be able to pass him by. And secondly, I never gave any statement.” He’s getting louder with every word he says.
His excitement has Chris come over and stick his head outside. “You okay?”
Jensen just nods, and waves him back to the couch. He can’t deal with Jared and Chris both at the same time.
Once Chris’ back is turned, he growls into the phone, “Listen Jared, maybe I should have told you that this guy cornered me at the airport, but what would have changed if I had? I thought that it would change nothing about the fact that it happened, and there are things far more important than some jerk asking questions.”
“Yeah, you should have told me about that. Because it was like deja-vu all over again, a friend of mine talking with the press.” At these accusations, Jensen has to take a deep breath.
“Fuck you, Jared, I’m not fucking Brad Peters, and I told those guys nothing. And by that I mean, not a single word.” Jensen is shouting now. Jared’s accusations, and the way he makes Jensen out to be some asshole, has him all worked up.
“So, how can he claim to have a statement from you, if it isn’t true?” Jared’s voice echoes loudly through the phone.
“How should I know? Maybe he’s lying, trying to rattle your cage and get you to give a statement?” He closes his eyes and leans back against the metal rail of the fire escape. “I thought you trusted me.”
Being faced with Jared’s distrust in him, Jensen’s anger deflates, and weariness settles in.
“And how can I?” Jared is still shouting angrily. “You know everything about me. You know that my best friend was Brad Peters, you know things about me during high school even my parents don’t know, and yet I can’t remember you. Not even a faint recollection of passing you by in the corridors.”
“It told you I was…”
“Invisible. Right. Like that actually makes sense.” Jensen sits there and sees where this is headed, knows that this can only end badly. “Even being invisible doesn’t explain how you know so much about me.”
“I was very attentive.” He almost whispers into the phone now.
“To everyone at school, or to me in particular?” Step by step, they’re getting closer to the edge. Jensen can already feel the feeling of falling.
“To you. I was very attentive to what you were doing.” Jensen grimaces as he says the words.
“Why?” And there it is. Jensen swallows heavily. He has to tell the truth now.
“Because I had a crush on you.” There’s silence on the other end of the line. Jensen feels like being in free fall with nothing to stop him, the ground rushing towards him. When Jared doesn’t respond to his statement, Jensen decides that he might as well confess everything. “Still have. Not a crush, but I’m attracted to you.”
The silence continues, and Jensen waits for Jared to say something. “Jared?”
“You never said anything.” Jared’s voice is thin, as if he lacks the strength to speak.
“No, I thought that it would make you feel uncomfortable.” And apparently it does. This, right now, is why he had kept quiet about it all this time.
“Did you plan this? The whole press thing. Was it some kind of promotion plan for your environmental group?” Jensen chokes. He can’t believe Jared asked him this.
“Wow.” He takes a deep breath before he continues. “You really are an asshole.”
Before Jared can insult him any further or maybe make any excuses, Jensen cuts him off. “Don’t call, Jared.”
He cuts the connection and stays sitting on the fire escape, staring out into the backstreet below. There’s a tabby climbing around on the dumpsters, searching for food. Jensen watches her for some time, and then he climbs back into Chris apartment.
There are two pizza boxes on the table, but they are both still closed. Chris is sitting on the couch and scanning his face, not liking what he sees.
“What the fuck did he want?” Jensen walks over to his friend and plops down onto the couch.
“He called about something the press said, and when I told him about my interest in him, he accused me of staging the whole media frenzy to get publicity for Adventure Ecology.” From the corner of his eye he can see Chris jump up from the couch.
“Give me your phone, I’m gonna rip this asshole a new one.” He tries to take Jensen’s cell from him, but Jensen tugs it into his back pocket, well out of reach from Chris.
“Leave it, Chris. Just leave it be.” When Jensen refuses to co-operate, his friend sits down again. He scowls angrily at the table in front of him.
“What were you telling me about him being loyal to his friends? What a jerk.” Chris takes his beer bottle and takes a healthy swig. “Hollywood asshole. You’re better off without him.”
That might be true, but Jensen can’t help but feel like someone had stabbed him in the chest. He had expected many things to happen, feared a lot of different reactions to the truth about Jensen’s feelings for Jared, but the accusations he had had to face were worse than anything he had come up with.
When Jensen doesn’t say any more, Chris opens the top box of the pizzas. He takes a slice and motions for Jensen to take some as well, but Jensen just shakes his head. He can’t eat right now. Drink, yes, and hopefully something stronger than beer, but food is not a good idea at the moment.
Chris actually breaks out the Johnny Walker. He fills them a tumbler each, and once the liquor has burnt down their throats, he fills their glasses up again. This continues until the bottle is half empty, and Jensen, who hasn’t had any pizza, is almost lying on the couch. When he holds his glass out for a refill, Chris just pats his head.
“I think it’s time for country music.” Jensen just nods drunkenly.
His friend returns with his guitar, and tunes it, before he strums the opening chords to an old song he wrote, one Jensen sang with him in the very beginning of their friendship. Jensen’s voice is wobbly with the alcohol, but what he lacks in technique he makes up for in enthusiasm.
After the first song, they start on the next one, and then the next one follows. Each one of them is old, back from when Chris spent his summers with his grand parents on the farm. Both of them have died some years ago, and the farm has been sold, but Jensen still remembers the stories Chris had told him about his adventures during the holidays.
When they are done with the songs they can still remember, Jensen is lying on the couch, His head on the armrest, and his feet on the coffee table.
“Okay, I think, you’ll sleep on the couch, and tomorrow morning we’ll get you home.” Jensen wants to protest that he can still drive home, but his eyes and mouth are much too tired to comply.
He’s settled fully onto the couch, and a pillow is smushed under his head. When Chris drapes a quilt over him, Jensen mumbles something about heat and tries to shrug the cover off. In the end he just manages to entangle himself with the quilt, and Chris has to free him.
“Dude, you’re gonna be dead tomorrow.” Jensen watches through his lashes how Chris takes the leftover pizza and carries it away. He does the same with the empty beer bottles, and then he locks the whiskey back into the cupboard.
Once the table is empty again, he walks over to the window, and props it open to let fresh air inside.
“You okay?” Jensen grumbles inarticulate, but Chris gets the picture. He returns once more to the couch and sets down a glass of water and some tablets of aspirin. “For tomorrow morning.”
And then the lights are all switched off, and Jensen stares at the light outside. The orange yellow from the street lamps casts a warm glow on the window sill and the curtains. Jensen listens to his friend brushing his teeth and getting ready for bed.
Once Chris has settled down for the night as well, Jensen snuggles deeper into the couch upholstery and closes his eyes. There’s a weird feeling in his head, like it’s much too heavy and Jensen wonders if maybe his brain has grown.
The question stays with him as he drifts off into sleep.
continue: Part Ten
By Simarillion
Fandom: Supernatural RPS
Universe: Alternative Universe
Rating: PG-13/R (this instalment)
Beta: Asm Z
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki, Jared Padalecki/Sandra McCoy (mentioned), others
Warnings: slash, M/M
Word Count: 2,978 (28,195 total)
Summary: Extra! Extra! Read all about it! (Of pictures, and rumours, and beginnings)
Disclaimer: None of the herein presented happenings and events are true. Everything is 100% fiction and that includes the sexuality of the characters. I don’t claim to be in the know about their relations and private affairs, and I don’t make any money with the creation of this story.
Author’s Note: I changed the age of Jensen and Jared, they are the same age now. The plot wouldn’t really work otherwise.
This is part 3 of the Glaciology! ‘verse. Jensen is a scientist in the field of glaciology and he spends most of his time surrounded by ice, whereas Jared is a Hollywood movie star. Prequel to this story are Invisible Glaciers and Iceberg Anatomy.
Part Nine
It’s three days after his return from LA that Jensen gets a call from Chris. The caller ID takes him by surprise, because usually his friend is preparing to go on stage at such a time. He picks up, wedging the cell between his shoulder and his ear, and continues scrubbing the carpet Dean tore through the dirt in the afternoon.
“Hey.” He sounds a bit distracted from the cleaning he’s doing.
“Jensen. I was thinking, me being in Dallas and all, and you being back from LA, we should meet.” Jensen looks up from what he’s doing.
“Why are you in Dallas? I thought the band’s touring right now.” He sets the brush aside and sits down on the bathroom floor. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Or, at least nothing bad. We got an offer from a guy who wants us to compose a soundtrack for his movie. Something independent. Since the gigs we were having were for free anyway, we just rescheduled.” He can hear Chris moving around his apartment, opening the fridge, bottles clinking against each other. “So, what about it? You got time to come over?”
“Sure, I just have to change clothes. I’ll be at your place in half an hour.” Jensen glances at the carpet and decides that he’ll just let it soak overnight and work on the stains tomorrow.
“Great. And bring your guitar.”
“Will do.” Chris hangs up and Jensen puts the carpet into the tub, filling it a little bit with water, and then heads for his room, to get out of the dirty clothes.
It’s actually twenty-five minutes later when he knocks on Chris’ door. There’s the sound of footsteps and then his friend opens up, letting him in. Jensen moves from the entrance to the living room where beers are already open and waiting to be drunk.
“Sit your ass down.” Chris plops down onto he couch and props his feet up on the coffee table. Jensen sits down as well, but keeps his feet on the floor. He gratefully takes the beer Chris hands over.
“So?” Chris watches him closely but Jensen just ignores him and takes another swig from his bottle.
“So what?” He looks over at Chris and waits for an explanation.
His friend just raises an eyebrow, telling Jensen to quit dicking around and just tell him what he wants to know. The thing is Jensen can guess what Chris wants to know, but he refuses to make it that easy for him. If he can’t even ask properly for the info he’s interested in, Jensen’s not going to pour his heart like a chick. He can be as emotionally stunted as any other guy.
“Come on, Jensen. LA, Jared Padalecki, you having the hots for the guy since you know what having the hots for someone is. Any of that ringing a bell?” Chris grimaces at the words, as if admitting that he’s just as interested as anybody else in gossip is making him less macho.
“Ah, that.” Jensen grins mischievously, enjoying his friends pained look. He takes pity on Chris though and sets the beer bottle aside. “Well, it was fun.”
“Fun?” Chris looks at Jensen as if the other has gone insane. “You get to stay with Jared Padalecki, and all it was is fun?”
“Yeah, well, what do you want me to say, Chris?” Jensen sighs, resigned. “It’s not news that I’m attracted to him, and it’s also old hat that my crush is no crush anymore. Take aside the movie thing, and he would be perfect. He’s hot, is fun to be around, and he loves dogs just as much as I do. He’s loyal to his friends, and he’s a Texas boy just like us.”
“Most of that I already knew.” Chris is rolling his beer bottle in his hands. “So what’s new? Any epiphanies while you stayed with him.”
“Yeah, those I had a couple of.” He grins wryly at Chris. “Number one, there’s this movie thing I already mentioned. How bothersome it can get, we all got to experience. I mean, Chris, my family got besieged by the press, and all that happened was him showing me the tourist spots of Hollywood.”
“Well, if you want to be his friend, you’ll have to find a way to deal with that crap.” There’s the hint of a question in Chris’s voice.
“I want to be his friend.” At this his friend nods but frowns slightly. “I know you warn me every time you get the chance to be careful, to not get in too deep, but Chris there’s no reason to worry about anything. First off, there’s the publicity problem, then there’s the job thing. And I’m not talking about him, I’m talking about myself. Can you see me living in California? No snow throughout the year?”
Chris chuckles amused at Jensen’s incredulous tone.
“I love what I’m doing, and I know that starting anything with someone like Jared Padalecki, I would have to make sacrifices. Get a teaching position somewhere and go back to joining expeditions during the holidays.”
“Dude, you really thought about it.” Chris stares at him in alarm. “Jensen…”
“Chris, no.” He glares at his friend. “Yes, I was wondering if it could actually work, but as I said, twice now, the press is a big hurdle. As is me having to sacrifice what I worked so hard for. And last but not least, he’s straight. There’s no way he would ever consider starting up anything with a guy.” Jensen sighs. “I know that for certain.”
“How do you know that?”
“I didn’t ask if that’s what you mean. It was just something he said. I was asking him about the stupid rumors in the press, and when I told him about the story that him having an affair with another man was said to be the reason for the break up he had with Sandra McCoy, he laughed and said that there’s no way something like that would happen.” He reaches for the beer bottle on the table and takes a swig, wetting his throat. “That about destroyed any idiotic ideas I had about an utopic world where he would be at least remotely interested in me.”
Chris for once does not rag on Jared and scold Jensen for being interested in the other man. They just drink their beer and say nothing for a while.
“How about some pizza?” Jensen laughs at Chris attempt of creating a distraction.
“That sounds awesome.” Jensen watches Chris head for the pizza menu. He brings it back into the living room and hands it to Jensen.
“But don’t pick something stupid like the last time. No pineapples on the pizza, and no spinach either.” Chris grabs his phone and presses one on his speed dial. Leave it to Chris to have the pizzeria on number one.
“I’ll just take the same you’re having.” Jensen sets the menu down and waits for Chris to place the order. They’re given an estimated time of thirty minutes, and Chris declares that pizza calls for a new beer.
While Chris goes to the kitchen, Jensen drains the rest of the drink in his bottle. He’s sitting back and relaxing when his cell phone rings, vibrating in his pocket. Jensen fishes it out and checks the ID. It’s Jared. Surprised he flips the phone open.
“Hey!” Jensen gets up from the couch as Chris returns from the kitchen and nods at the fire escape. His friend nods back, and Jensen climbs out through the window.
“Hi.” Jared’s voice is flat, and the lifeless tone sends a chill down Jensen’s spine.
“What’s the matter, Jared?” His question is met by an incredulous snort.
“That’s what I should be asking you. I heard that you had a run in with some journalists at the airport. I thought that nothing happened on your way to Dallas.” The accusation and anger takes Jensen by surprise, and he feels guilty even though he doesn’t know what he’s feeling guilty about.
“It was just a stupid asshole who asked some questions about you and me.” The night air is still very warm, and unlike California, where there had always been a breeze wafting up from the sea, here in the city, the air is stuffy and doesn’t move the tiniest bit.
“And what did you say to him?” If Jared’s voice had been accusing before, it was angry now.
“I didn’t say anything. I told him that if he wouldn’t let me go I would press charges about harassment.” Jensen wonders what is going on with Jared.
“Is that so?” The sarcasm is dripping from the words.
“Yeah, that’s the truth.” He frowns upset. “Jared, what is going on?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I get a call from my PR manager who tells me that a journalist was attacked by my gay lover when being asked about out relationship. I was then told that he has a statement you gave him.” Jensen can only gape dumbfounded at what he hears.
“That’s crap. First of, I didn’t attack anybody, I might have shoved him a little, to be able to pass him by. And secondly, I never gave any statement.” He’s getting louder with every word he says.
His excitement has Chris come over and stick his head outside. “You okay?”
Jensen just nods, and waves him back to the couch. He can’t deal with Jared and Chris both at the same time.
Once Chris’ back is turned, he growls into the phone, “Listen Jared, maybe I should have told you that this guy cornered me at the airport, but what would have changed if I had? I thought that it would change nothing about the fact that it happened, and there are things far more important than some jerk asking questions.”
“Yeah, you should have told me about that. Because it was like deja-vu all over again, a friend of mine talking with the press.” At these accusations, Jensen has to take a deep breath.
“Fuck you, Jared, I’m not fucking Brad Peters, and I told those guys nothing. And by that I mean, not a single word.” Jensen is shouting now. Jared’s accusations, and the way he makes Jensen out to be some asshole, has him all worked up.
“So, how can he claim to have a statement from you, if it isn’t true?” Jared’s voice echoes loudly through the phone.
“How should I know? Maybe he’s lying, trying to rattle your cage and get you to give a statement?” He closes his eyes and leans back against the metal rail of the fire escape. “I thought you trusted me.”
Being faced with Jared’s distrust in him, Jensen’s anger deflates, and weariness settles in.
“And how can I?” Jared is still shouting angrily. “You know everything about me. You know that my best friend was Brad Peters, you know things about me during high school even my parents don’t know, and yet I can’t remember you. Not even a faint recollection of passing you by in the corridors.”
“It told you I was…”
“Invisible. Right. Like that actually makes sense.” Jensen sits there and sees where this is headed, knows that this can only end badly. “Even being invisible doesn’t explain how you know so much about me.”
“I was very attentive.” He almost whispers into the phone now.
“To everyone at school, or to me in particular?” Step by step, they’re getting closer to the edge. Jensen can already feel the feeling of falling.
“To you. I was very attentive to what you were doing.” Jensen grimaces as he says the words.
“Why?” And there it is. Jensen swallows heavily. He has to tell the truth now.
“Because I had a crush on you.” There’s silence on the other end of the line. Jensen feels like being in free fall with nothing to stop him, the ground rushing towards him. When Jared doesn’t respond to his statement, Jensen decides that he might as well confess everything. “Still have. Not a crush, but I’m attracted to you.”
The silence continues, and Jensen waits for Jared to say something. “Jared?”
“You never said anything.” Jared’s voice is thin, as if he lacks the strength to speak.
“No, I thought that it would make you feel uncomfortable.” And apparently it does. This, right now, is why he had kept quiet about it all this time.
“Did you plan this? The whole press thing. Was it some kind of promotion plan for your environmental group?” Jensen chokes. He can’t believe Jared asked him this.
“Wow.” He takes a deep breath before he continues. “You really are an asshole.”
Before Jared can insult him any further or maybe make any excuses, Jensen cuts him off. “Don’t call, Jared.”
He cuts the connection and stays sitting on the fire escape, staring out into the backstreet below. There’s a tabby climbing around on the dumpsters, searching for food. Jensen watches her for some time, and then he climbs back into Chris apartment.
There are two pizza boxes on the table, but they are both still closed. Chris is sitting on the couch and scanning his face, not liking what he sees.
“What the fuck did he want?” Jensen walks over to his friend and plops down onto the couch.
“He called about something the press said, and when I told him about my interest in him, he accused me of staging the whole media frenzy to get publicity for Adventure Ecology.” From the corner of his eye he can see Chris jump up from the couch.
“Give me your phone, I’m gonna rip this asshole a new one.” He tries to take Jensen’s cell from him, but Jensen tugs it into his back pocket, well out of reach from Chris.
“Leave it, Chris. Just leave it be.” When Jensen refuses to co-operate, his friend sits down again. He scowls angrily at the table in front of him.
“What were you telling me about him being loyal to his friends? What a jerk.” Chris takes his beer bottle and takes a healthy swig. “Hollywood asshole. You’re better off without him.”
That might be true, but Jensen can’t help but feel like someone had stabbed him in the chest. He had expected many things to happen, feared a lot of different reactions to the truth about Jensen’s feelings for Jared, but the accusations he had had to face were worse than anything he had come up with.
When Jensen doesn’t say any more, Chris opens the top box of the pizzas. He takes a slice and motions for Jensen to take some as well, but Jensen just shakes his head. He can’t eat right now. Drink, yes, and hopefully something stronger than beer, but food is not a good idea at the moment.
Chris actually breaks out the Johnny Walker. He fills them a tumbler each, and once the liquor has burnt down their throats, he fills their glasses up again. This continues until the bottle is half empty, and Jensen, who hasn’t had any pizza, is almost lying on the couch. When he holds his glass out for a refill, Chris just pats his head.
“I think it’s time for country music.” Jensen just nods drunkenly.
His friend returns with his guitar, and tunes it, before he strums the opening chords to an old song he wrote, one Jensen sang with him in the very beginning of their friendship. Jensen’s voice is wobbly with the alcohol, but what he lacks in technique he makes up for in enthusiasm.
After the first song, they start on the next one, and then the next one follows. Each one of them is old, back from when Chris spent his summers with his grand parents on the farm. Both of them have died some years ago, and the farm has been sold, but Jensen still remembers the stories Chris had told him about his adventures during the holidays.
When they are done with the songs they can still remember, Jensen is lying on the couch, His head on the armrest, and his feet on the coffee table.
“Okay, I think, you’ll sleep on the couch, and tomorrow morning we’ll get you home.” Jensen wants to protest that he can still drive home, but his eyes and mouth are much too tired to comply.
He’s settled fully onto the couch, and a pillow is smushed under his head. When Chris drapes a quilt over him, Jensen mumbles something about heat and tries to shrug the cover off. In the end he just manages to entangle himself with the quilt, and Chris has to free him.
“Dude, you’re gonna be dead tomorrow.” Jensen watches through his lashes how Chris takes the leftover pizza and carries it away. He does the same with the empty beer bottles, and then he locks the whiskey back into the cupboard.
Once the table is empty again, he walks over to the window, and props it open to let fresh air inside.
“You okay?” Jensen grumbles inarticulate, but Chris gets the picture. He returns once more to the couch and sets down a glass of water and some tablets of aspirin. “For tomorrow morning.”
And then the lights are all switched off, and Jensen stares at the light outside. The orange yellow from the street lamps casts a warm glow on the window sill and the curtains. Jensen listens to his friend brushing his teeth and getting ready for bed.
Once Chris has settled down for the night as well, Jensen snuggles deeper into the couch upholstery and closes his eyes. There’s a weird feeling in his head, like it’s much too heavy and Jensen wonders if maybe his brain has grown.
The question stays with him as he drifts off into sleep.
continue: Part Ten