FIC: "I know" (9/17)

[simarillion]

Fandom: Red Dragon/The Silence of the Lambs/Hannibal

Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham

Rating: R/NC-17

Beta: Malakai_Amlug (thank you very much for all the hard work)

Summary: Sometimes running is not possible as the past catches up with you.

Notes/Warning: This is a slash story which means that it features two grown up men in love with each other and physically expressing this emotion in various forms. If you are in any way or degree homophobic, disgusted, disturbed, feel threatened or weirded out by such a relationship, please do not read any further and don’t write me any stupid e-mails to preach about the wrongs or rights of homosexual relationships.

Disclaimer: The characters portrayed in this story are by no means mine and belong to Thomas Harris. If you want to have some picture as a guideline for what these guys actually look like I would strongly suggest watching the movie versions of the books, which were done by DeLaurentis Pictures. As for the musical help I had with this story. The chapter titles and the paragraphs of lyrics in each chapter are songs composed and performed by Placebo. Therefore they are not mine either. I am not making any money with this and purely do it for my own amusement and entertainment.



CHAPTER NINE - Every Me and Every You


"Carve your name into my arm
Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed"


"I would like that very much, Will." With these words Will knew that his
fate was sealed and it was not on him to decide what was to happen. He had
been confused about his feelings, thinking up all kinds of scenarios of
possible future outcomes but as they had drawn closer to his home, he
realized that it was not his decision to make anymore.

The ease with which the older man had directed him through small alleys
and back streets, that after years of living here had been unknown to
Will, opened his eyes and made him face the truth. There was no way he
would be able to keep the other from getting what he wanted, even if Will
wanted to do so.

Unable to move, he scanned the familiar face in front of him, noticing
lines, wrinkles and shadows that had been invisible to him before. It was
not a beautiful face, but it had its intriguing features. Most of all the
unnatural maroon eyes captured Will's attention. Hannibal was able to
crush the strongest of men with a simple gaze unlike any other person Will
have ever made the acquaintance.

And strong was something Will had never been. He had always depended on
others, needing the support to build up his life.

But these peculiar eyes were not the only fascinating feature of this
face, of this person. Even though the older man was not particularly tall
or muscular, he radiated strength and authority. It was surprising for
Will to realize that he could see himself finding comfort in Hannibal. He
knew that if the other's interest in him was really genuine, Will would
find himself with a powerful protector.

While Will had been studying the man in front of him and his current
situation, Hannibal had stepped up to him. The feeling of a warm and soft
hand on his face, cupping it, broke his concentration. He inhaled deeply
and found the salty and slightly dusty smell of the sand on the beach
still clinging to the fingers that tentatively curled in Will's hair.

He swallowed tightly but wrestled his anxiousness down. He was tired of
always being afraid. He would not break down or start to rave or any other
foolish thing like that. More to prove to himself that he was no coward
than to make a statement, Will reached up to Hannibal's hand and took it
into his. As he turned back to his house, this time it was Will leading
the other up to the porch and to the front door.

As he was fishing his keys out of his pocket he was able to feel the
person behind him waiting to be let in. It was strange that he did not
feel threatened, presenting his back like this to Hannibal. Apparently he
was starting to trust the other again.

Sliding the keys into the lock, Will opened the door and stepped to the
side to let the older man pass. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath
and made to follow Hannibal into the house. He felt a spark of anxiousness
in him, but the strongest feeling coursing through at this very moment was
curiosity. He had to smile when suddenly remembering a song he had heard
on the radio not too long. Something about curiosity killing the singer
after already having taken care of the cat. Now who was the cat here?

After the front door was closed and once more kept the tropical
temperature on the other side, he once more took the time to take a closer
look at Hannibal, who was watching him back. If somebody had told him in
the past that he would consider what he was considering now, he would not
have believed it. Most probably he would have had a nervous breakdown.
Nothing new there, now was it ? Sometimes in the closer past he would most
likely have gotten drunk, but that was nothing out of the ordinary either;
so all things considered he should have taken the recent development in
stride. Or should he?

Will leaned back against the door behind him. The movement had apparently
been some signal for the older man to approach with caution.
Halfway, he stopped and held out a hand to Will. An offer, a question or
command. There were many possibilities, but Will chose to ignore what ever
implication there was and stepped closer to Hannibal. He did not take the
hand stretched out to him but he slowly traced the veins he could see
through the soft skin of the wrist.

Another step closer and he could smell the sweat of Hannibal's body and
the underlying scent of some expensive eau de perfume. His fingers crawled
up from to the crook of the outstretched arm. There were so many
vulnerable spots on a human's body. Vulnerable because the skin was softer
there. Vulnerable because it left the person at the other's mercy. But if
the touches at these places were applied with no intention of harm, these
spots could be something else entirely.

The soft rustle of clothes made him look up and he looked directly up into
those maroon eyes.

"Almost crimson." His voice, although breathless, sounded loud in the
silence between them.

"No, they are not." Hannibal bent slightly closer to Will and his
eyes seemed to hypnotize the younger man. "There is too much brown in them
to be crimson."

As Hannibal leaned in to more of Will's space, he slowly
neared the other's face. It was obvious what the reasoning behind this
move was, but just as the doctor pressed his lips against Will's the image
of the hospital nurse Hannibal had attacked during his first year of
imprisonment popped up in the blonde's mind and Will tensed up. He could
feel every muscle in his body contract. His lungs pressed all the air out
with a wounded moan.

The sudden stop of muscle activity also stopped his lungs from filling and
providing his body with the much needed oxygen. The burgeoning panic that
he had felt started to fully break out now.

His feet gave out and his knees buckled, which resulted in a rather
ungraceful descent to the entrance floor, leaving him sitting on his legs.
Will's eyes teared up and he reflexively tried to reach for help, grasping
the cloth of Hannibal's trousers. His fingers curled into the soft
material and he tugged at the garment as if to pull Hannibal down to him.
His other hand had reached shaking to his own chest. As hot tears made
their path down his cheeks, he screamed in his head for help.

In all his panicking he hadn't noticed Hannibal move but suddenly there
was a hand resting on his neck and a thumb stroked softly over his skin.
Another hand reached out for him and gently pushed him on his back.

"Hush, Will, you have to calm down. Lie back and try to relax. You need to
calm down." As the blonde tried to curl up, Hannibal forced him to lie
straight on his back. "I can help you but you have to co-operate Will."

Although his panic had nothing to do with Lecter or any haunting visions
from the past, the simple command of lying on his back was difficult to
obey. Everything in him cried to curl up and hold himself close. But the
strong grip with which the older man had him pinned into position brooked
no disobedience and when the tension started to leave Will's body,
Hannibal lifted his legs and put them on his knees.

As he started to softly rub Will's stomach, he fixed his eyes on the
other's face and watched the display of emotions on it. "There we have
that fear again, Will. You really have to learn how to deal with that. No
amount of alcohol will ever be able to help you control it but I can."

Will could feel his panic dissipate and he realized that he was able to
breathe again. He took a deep stuttering breath and started to shiver. His
whole body felt drained from this sudden panic attack and he was not sure
if he would be able to get up from the floor anytime soon.

But Hannibal wouldn't let him lie on the floor longer than was strictly
necessary and so he found himself being dragged up on his wobbly feet. A
strong arm was wrapped around his waist and Will was guided to the stairs
that led to the upper floor and to his bed. Slowly, but constantly, they
made their way up and neared Will's final destination for this noon.

"Come on, Will, you have done splendidly so far. Just a little bit
further." The reassuring words and the soft tone of the voice were
contrary to the strong grip and the decided directions that were given,
but in their own way they were equally welcome to Will. He felt oddly safe
and he wished that he had had somebody at his side in the past when he had
been even more vulnerable.

As they reached the first floor of the cottage, his feet gave out and he
had to sit down on the floor to rest for a bit. Surprisingly, Hannibal did
not force him up to continue their walk but he did not squat down next to
him either. What he did do though was to card his fingers through Will's
hair and massage his scalp lightly.

"Get up, Will." There was a softness to the voice but it was clear that
this directive was to be obeyed. Again with some help from the older man,
he made it up on his feet and the walk to the bedroom was resumed faster
than the slow climb up the stairs. Once the bed was in front of him, Will
took the last two steps on his own, collapsing onto the soft mattress soon
after.

Vaguely his brain recognized hands brushing his hair from his face and
divesting him from his shoes and his clothes, but he was already too close
to sleep to react to any of the actions. And then Morpheus' arms wrapped
themselves fully around him and he was lost to the waking world.


"I serve my head up on a plate
It's only comfort, calling late"


There were sounds of movement and activity in the kitchen that made it up
the stairs and into the bedroom as Will slowly regained consciousness. The
lack of strength that had made it so difficult to get to the bed had
passed, but there was a strange numbness to his limbs and his first
thought was that Lecter had drugged him to keep him docile. An attempt to
move revealed though that nothing of the like was true and, after
stretching his body, he carefully untangled himself from the sheets that
had been wrapped around his naked body.

The windows of the room were open but the curtains had been drawn and they
moved in the slight breeze that wafted into the bedroom, preventing the
air to get stale and heavy.

He stretched his arms above his head and craned his neck to release the
last bit of tension from his muscles. Will was curious about what was
happening in the room downstairs, but the confinement of his sheets had
made him sweat and he wanted to clean himself before facing Hannibal
again.

The lukewarm spray of water from the shower felt refreshing and made him
sigh with contentment. It was something of a mystery to him why he had
never appreciated the simple act of taking a shower properly in the past.
Covering his body with the fragrant suds of his coconut shower lotion he
massaged the most aching muscles. Stepping back under the water pouring
down on him, he rinsed the lotion down and switched the shower off.

Squinting his eyes to avoid any water running into them, Will stepped out
of the shower cubicle and grabbed the nearest towel, which was
unfortunately no bath towel. With a frustrated sigh he bent his head and
started to towel his hair dry. Rivulets of water made their way down his
body and started to puddle on the tiled bathroom floor. Once he was sure
his hair was dry enough, he used the wet towel to rub his body and limbs
down. The effect was not really the desired one, since the towel was too
wet to fully dry his skin, but it was enough to ensure that after a few
seconds the soft breeze in the bedroom would dry Will fully.

Dropping the wet cloth into the basket of dirty clothes next to the door,
he strode into the bedroom and walked over to the clothes cupboard. There
was the smell of fresh cut herbs and the sound of chopping to be heard
downstairs. Inhaling the delicious smell that spread through the cottage,
he took linen trousers out of his cupboard. They were of a rusty red and
oddly reminded him of Hannibal's eyes.

Forgoing any underwear, Will stepped into the pants and tugged them up his
legs. They didn't have any zippers or buttons but drawstrings that he used
to tie the trousers up. He liked the feeling of the cloth against his
skin. He was always careful when buying new clothes, because his
preference to wear no underwear made him pay particular attention to the
roughness of the clothes' fabric.

In passing he grabbed a slightly rumpled shirt from the basket with the
unlaundered clothes and pulled it over his head. The momentary blindness
didn't slow him down though as he headed for the stairs. He brushed the
soft material of the sleeveless shirt down over his chest and padded
barefoot down to the ground floor.

He noticed that the sliding door that lead out to the terrace and the
garden behind it was open. From the entrance he could see that the table
on the terrace was set and that the chairs were covered with their
padding.

Just as Will was about to turn right into the kitchen, two strong arms
wrapped around his waist and Hannibal's hands settled on his stomach, his
thumbs lightly stroking Will through the material of the shirt. This
gesture lead to a strange fluttery feeling in Will's stomach, but
fortunately this feeling was more of a nervous than a fearful nature.

"Did you rest well, Will?" Hannibal's dulcet voice was very close to his
ear and it was a tremendous sign of Will's composure and burgeoning trust
that he didn't even so much as flinch. "I hope that your sleep made you
hungry; I took the liberty to commandeer your kitchen and prepared an
afternoon lunch for the two of us."

Deciding to take his first step in this new future of theirs, Will turned
in Hannibal's embrace and leaned against the other's frame. He scanned the
face of his past tormentor until he came to lock eyes with Hannibal. There
had rarely been any kind of emotion in these maroon eyes, but now they
seemed to be softer and there was a determined glint in them.

"I slept well, thank you." Will was unsure what to do. If this was Molly
he would give her a quick kiss and from there it would develop to even
deeper kisses--- and if Josh was not around it would become a full fledged
make out session. But this was not Molly. This was a man. This was
Hannibal Lecter. Did somebody like him do make out sessions?

"You know that the shy Mr. Dolarhyde wrote to me during my imprisonment at
the Baltimore State Hospital." Will nodded weakly at that. His body had
started to tense again. "He wrote in this note about you as well. You must
know this, Will, since dear Dr. Chilton alarmed Crawford and his whole
entourage about it. Do you agree with Dolarhyde's assessment about you?"

Will did not want to think back on this time. He did not want to remember
the past and most of all did not want to remember his past with Lecter
while being wrapped in his arms. He saw that Hannibal watched him
curiously. "He said that I was odd-looking, purposeful looking he
described it. I don't know about that. I don't see that when looking in
the mirror."

"No, you wouldn't. I don't believe that you would look into a mirror at
all these days. Am I right, Will." One of the hands that had been resting
so far on the small of his back reached to the scar on his face and traced
it slowly. "This is too much of a reminder for you, isn't it?"

Will tried to turn his head away from the hand on his face but the second
hand had gripped the other side of his face and he was fixed into place.
With some trepidation, he glanced up to Hannibal's eyes once more. There
it was again, that softness to the eyes that he had only recently noticed.
The older man leaned in and brushed his lips over Will's. At the soft
indrawn breath, Hannibal broke the contact between their lips but pressed
them together again, with more strength this time.

It was not the open-mouthed kiss that was preferred by lovers, but then
again that would have been not appropriate at this time. Hannibal fixed
him with an interested stare and his thumbs caressed Will's face.

"Dolarhyde also wrote in his letter that he thought you not to be
handsome. I have to say that I do not agree with his assessment. You are
very good-looking, Will. You also have a beautiful mind; one that needs to
be taken care of properly. This abuse of your body and your brain needs to
stop. I will see to it that you will become what you are destined to be."

Once more his lips descended on Will's and this time, Will reacted. He
tentatively reached up and took hold of the other man's shirt, pulling him
closer. This action awarded him with a content lick against his lips. His
face was freed from the grasp it had been in, as the two hands fell onto
his buttocks and he was pressed closer against the hard body of Hannibal.

All this time the maroon eyes had never left his own and their color
deepened until Will was convinced that they had a tint of crimson in them.
The intense gaze made him shiver and he let go of the shirt to reach up
and wrap his arms around Hannibal's neck. He felt excitement starting to
spread through his body. It was an exhilarating feeling that he had almost
forgotten about.

The kiss didn't deepen though, and after a short squeeze to Will's bottom,
the two parted. The older man brushed the blonde's bangs from his face and
smiled softly at the confusion and underlying longing he saw clearly
reflected in the bright blue eyes.

"I still have a meal to finish. You can help if you want to, Will."

The shy smile that played over Will's lips conveyed his acceptance and he
followed Hannibal into the kitchen to help with preparing their meal.


"Every Me and Every You"