Shelf Ice Meander
By Simarillion

Fandom: Supernatural RPS
Universe: Alternative Universe
Rating: R
Beta: Asm Z
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki, Jared Padalecki/Genevieve Cortese (mentioned) others
Warnings: slash, M/M
Word Count: 3,144 (27,405 total)
Summary: Tell it like it is. (Of settling and living)
Disclaimer: None of the herein presented happenings and events are true. Everything is 100% fiction and that includes the sexuality of the characters. I don’t claim to be in the know about their relations and private affairs, and I don’t make any money with the creation of this story.

Author’s Note: I changed the age of Jensen and Jared, they are the same age now. The plot wouldn’t really work otherwise.

This is part 5 of the Glaciology! ‘verse. Jensen is a scientist in the field of glaciology and he spends most of his time surrounded by ice, whereas Jared is a Hollywood movie star. Prequel to this story are Invisible Glaciers, Iceberg Anatomy,Avalanches Approaching, and Crevasse Rescue.

[Masterpost]



Part Nine

Jared shows up at Jensen’s door two weeks after the pictures of him and the woman at Cannes were on TV. He’s been calling Jensen dozens of times, and each and every time Jensen had ignored it, not even checking the messages before deleting them.

So when the door bell rings on Sunday, and Jensen opens it to find Jared waiting on the door step, his first reaction is to close it in Jared’s face. The second time he opens the door, he keeps it open but refuses Jared entrance into the house. Jensen is well aware of the temptation of Jared inside his home. There is no way he’ll let Jared get away easy.

“Jensen.” Jared looks disheveled, and his eyes are bloodshot, as if he hadn’t gotten any sleep. “Can I come in and talk?”

“No.” The coldness in his voice has Jared flinch, and Jensen feels a strange kind of satisfaction.

“Jensen, please.” There’s no whining, just bone deep exhaustion, and a hint of desperation.

But Jensen stays strong, and glares at Jared. “There’s nothing we have to talk about. And stop calling me nonstop.”

When he tries to close the door again, Jared’s hand shoots out, and he keeps Jensen from closing it. The action makes Jensen angry. He doesn’t want to talk to Jared, and he definitely doesn’t want to hear Jared’s excuses for something that Jensen thinks is inexcusable.

“Please listen.” Jared steps up to him, trying to crowd him back, and into the house. And it works. Jared wedges past him into the hallway. Dean who’s been peering around the corner, curious about what is going on, cautiously approaches them. Ever since the shouting incident when Tom, Mike and Danneel had shown up, he’s careful about coming between humans who are tense.

“I told you that I don’t want to talk with you, and I also said that you aren’t welcome here.” Jensen stubbornly refuses to look at Jared. He really doesn’t want to see the puppy eyes that Jared is most probably making at him.

“You can’t just ignore me like that, not letting me explain myself.” The indignation in Jared’s voice has Jensen whip his head around.

He can feel his blood start to boil. How dare Jared get all pissy about Jensen’s behavior? After all the things that have happened in the past, there’s not one incident where Jensen caused even half the grief Jared has been causing. The media debacle last summer, the accusations and the insults that ensued, the coldness and distance all winter, and now the betrayal in front of the whole world. Jensen clenches his teeth, and balls his fists. He really wants to punch Jared in the face.

“The least you can do is let me explain.” And with that Jensen draws back his right fist and smashes it into Jared’s face.

He’s vibrating with pent up pressure, his anger and hurt making him almost explode. “How dare you come here and demand that you have any rights about anything at all?”

Jared’s standing there, his eyes full of surprise and bafflement as his hand rubs over the spot where Jensen’s fist connected with his face.

“This whole Genevieve what’s-her-name thing is the last straw, and there is nothing that I owe you. You had more than enough chances in the past to make things right. Now it’s too late.” His chest heaves and Jensen has to force himself to not attack Jared again.

“What do you mean I had chances in the past? I tried to call you; I sent you messages and e-mails. You never responded, you never picked up the phone.” Jared’s expression is changing from confused to pissed off and he’s glaring accusingly at Jensen. It’s like some bizarre face down in Jensen’s hallway.

“You think that after you’re flaunting your ‘girlfriend’ on TV, I’m even remotely interested in talking with you? You’ve got to be joking.” Jared’s warped sense of what is right has Jensen wonder what is going on in the other’s head. How can Jared even think about Jensen being at fault in any kind of way?

“Hell yeah, I think that you should be interested in talking with me and letting me explain things. That’s what having a relationship means. You talk about things.” Jared’s shouting at him now, his eyes gleaming angrily at Jensen.

“Newsflash, Padalecki, having sex when you’re in the mood for it does not make a relationship. At best, it makes us fuckbuddies, and as your fuckbuddy I’m telling you that you’ll have to find someone else to get your rocks off with.” Dean scampers off, now that the shouting has started. The husky disappears into the living room, and Jensen wishes he could do the same.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? We are more than fuckbuddies, and you can’t just break up with me because of something you saw on TV. You don’t even know what the real story is behind it.” Jensen thinks that if it were possible, there would be laser beams shooting out of his eyes, boring into Jared’s skull.

“What is wrong with me? It’s more like, what is wrong with you? You think that I’m really that stupid, don’t you? I saw the pictures of you and her at your house that were in the media, and I’m well aware that even though I don’t know the full story behind them, you never once denied any of the assumptions that have been coursing through the press.” Jensen’s voice has lowered the volume, but there is steel in it that makes it hard and unyielding. “I don’t give a damn if your PR guy or your manager said you shouldn’t say anything, or if you are okay with everything yourself. I know that ever since I moved here to make this thing, what ever it was, between us work, I have been hidden away, ignored, and treated like trash. And I’ve had it. Go and fuck that woman, I don’t care. I want you to leave and take all you drama and shit with you.”

Jared’s face is growing darker and darker with every word Jensen says. It’s like a thunderstorm brewing, ready to break out at any provocation. “You’re a hypocritical asshole. We both decided to keep things quiet.”

“That was more than half a year ago, and it’s not about going to the press. I’m sick and tired of never being able to talk with anyone about my relationship, pretending to be single. Except Chad, who was there since the beginning, not one of your friends know about us Even though some of my friends know, I can’t even introduce the person that should be the most important one to me to my family.” And when he says it, Jensen realizes that all of this should have told him much earlier that their relationship could never work out.

“So what? You want me to introduce you to my family? Want me to out myself to them?” The anger in Jared’s voice comes as no surprise and Jensen takes deep breaths to release some of the pressure inside himself. He consciously unclenches his fists, trying to keep himself in check.

“It doesn’t matter what I wanted. What I want right now is for you to leave and not come back. I don’t want to see you again.” He takes a step back, making room for Jared to leave and points at the front yard.

Jared takes a step closer to him, half glaring, half pleading with his eyes. He shakes his head and rolls his shoulders. “This is not over.”

“Yes, it is. Goodbye, Jared.” When Jared opens his mouth to say something else, Jensen glares at him and then turns away, signaling his refusal to continue the conversation.

When it’s obvious that there will be no more talking, and that Jensen is more than unwilling to listen to Jared’s explanations, Jared huffs and strides to the open door. In the doorway, he stops and looks Jensen in the eye.

“Don’t think I’ve given up.” His voice cracks at the last words and his determination sounds more like desperation in the end.

Once Jared’s left, Jensen slams the door closed and locks it. His hands are shaking and his legs aren’t able to keep him up any longer. He sits down on the floor and takes deep breaths. It’s just too much; he’s not used to so much drama in his life. It drains him.

Dean comes out of his hideout and curls around Jensen, the canine’s head resting on his thigh. Jensen reaches down and absentmindedly pets the husky. His fingers card through the thick fur, and scratches behind Dean’s ears. The action soothes him, and Jensen calms down. He keeps on petting Dean until he finds the strength inside himself to get up from the floor.

For the rest of the day, Jensen is exhausted and tired. He calls Chris and Danneel, and talks with them about the confrontation. Chris calls Jared every name that he can think of, and Danneel describes quite vividly what she wants to do to some parts of Jared’s anatomy.

After having gotten his necessary mental reinforcement from his friends, Jensen is once more certain that he’s doing the right thing, and that he should have done it long before now. The rest of the day, and the next two weeks, he continues to screen his phone calls, deletes any message or e-mail Jared sends him, and if he gets a little paranoid, checking his driveway and the street every time he come home from work, or his door bell rings, it’s totally normal of course.

It’s two weeks before the AE expedition to Ecuador starts, that he’s home in the evening when he gets a message. Jensen flips his phone open, and reads the words on his display.

Watch ‘Inside the Actors Studio’

Jensen stares at the words, confused about who is sending him the message. Checking the number, he finds out that it’s Jared’s. This makes him want to ignore the command, balking at the tone of the message.

A glimpse at his watch reveals that the show is about to start. Jensen scans the phone display once more, and then he flaps the phone closed. He goes to the kitchen, takes a glass from the cupboard, and fills it with water. Jensen stares at the full glass in his hands, and then he shakes himself, and with a curse muttered under his breath, he heads to the TV in the living room.

He switches it on right on time to hear James Lipton announce his guest. The interviewer looks gravely into the camera. “Tonight’s guest will be talking about his new upcoming movie, in which he portrays a charismatic explorer, whose obsession with the quest for the unknown becomes his fate. Please welcome with me, Jared Padalecki.”

The audience claps and cheers excitedly, the volume deafening. Jensen sees blushing and smiling women, next to men (who eye their neighbors cautiously). Once again he has to admit to himself that believing they had a chance to work out, had been nothing but utopian.

It’s not only the secrecy of their relationship that had been a constant strain; it’s also the constant reminders of their difference. The discrepancy between Jensen’s rather quiet public life and Jared’s omnipresence publicity-wise had been in Jensen’s face, quite literally.

He watches as Jared enters the stage, smiling and waving at his fans. Jared’s wearing dress pants (which he usually only does for award shows), a crisp white shirt, and a dark grey leather jacket. Jensen likes the way Jared looks, and he has to forcefully remind himself that they no longer are an item.

While Jensen had been contemplating Jared’s looks and their effect they shouldn’t have on him, Jared and James Lipton have sat down and the interview starts.

“Jared, you have been on Inside the Actor’s Studio once already. So, you missed my presence enough to come back for more?” The question has Jared laugh, his eyes crinkling, and dimples carving into his cheeks.

“I was all broke up the last time when I had to leave.” Jared grins mischievously at his host. “But now I’m back.”

“Now you’re back. Having starred in more movies since the last time, than some actors appear in their whole life, and you’re introducing your new movie The Worst Journey. It’s a historic drama about the early explorations of the Polar Regions.” At this Jared nods enthusiastically, his whole body moving forward as he leans closer to his vis-à-vis.

“That’s right. The main character is based on explorers like Franklin, Scott, Ammundsen, Shackleton, or Weinprecht. The story is fiction but it was greatly inspired by real events.” Jensen watches Jared talk with passion about Jensen’s world, and it pains him to know that he can’t have that, can’t share things he likes, with Jared anymore.

“So you read about the lives and hardships of those historic explorers as a preparation?” James Lipton looks out to the audience for dramatic effect. “Was there a history exam at the end?”

Jared laughs at that. “Actually, yes, there was. Sure I read some books and looked the names up on Wikipedia, but the director wanted us to actually know what we’re doing.”

“You and Chad Michael Murray, who plays the explorer friend of your character.”

“There was a bunch of us. Chad and me, Hayden, Adrian, and a couple of other supporting characters. We were all shipped off to Alaska, to go on an Arctic boot camp.” Jared’s smile has the interviewer grin and the audience laugh. “We were dropped off at a research station, and I think that the people who lived and worked there, weren’t even warned about what was going to happen. All of a sudden their research compound was invaded by a bunch of actors, who were more of a hindrance than anything else.”

The audience laughs even harder at Jared’s embarrassed look, and Jensen is tempted to switch off the TV to not have to watch Jared endearing himself not even to the fans and his interviewer, but to Jensen as well.

“All of you were sent to Alaska for Polar training?” Lipton raises an eyebrow, waiting for Jared to explain some more.

“Yeah, we had a full program for four weeks. Polar botany and zoology, medical training, polar history, survival training and mushing.” The excitement that Jared displays when talking about his time in Alaska has the women in the audience giggle.

“Mushing?” There’s a close up of Jared’s face, and Jensen can for the first time see that even though Jared’s been laughing and joking the whole time, there’s a deep exhaustion lurking in his eyes. Make up can maybe hide bags and rings under his eyes, but not the emotions reflected inside them.

“Yeah, steering a dog sled. The early explorers walked everywhere, or had dogs with sleds with them. At the compound in Alaska they had a sled and a dog team as well.” Jensen thinks back to the mornings that Jared and him had spent taking care of the team. Things had been so easy back then.

“So, the actors were trained in Arctic and Polar life.”

“Pretty much everything you have to know about living in the North, we were taught at the boot camp.” Jared leans back into his chair, his right hand reaching up, and fingers carding through his hair.

“What did you like best about the boot camp?” James Lipton mirrors Jared’s pose and watches his guest’s face.

“Working with the dogs were definitely the best lessons that were taught. Jensen Ackles, who was our teacher in all things survival and medic, always rewarded each of our snow shoe excursions with a day of working with the dogs.” Jared’s grinning at the host.

“I take it snow shoe excursions weren’t too popular.” At this Jensen snorts. Not too popular is a nice way of describing the actors’ thoughts and comments on snow shoeing.

“They were the worst thing to do. Really, after the first time Jensen had us trudge through the snow for hours, we were dead on our feet. The next day I was barely able to get up in time for the dogs in the morning.” Jared’s grin and his groaning has the audience laugh about the plight the actors had been in.

“Did the training help with the process of acting?”

“Definitely. You know, I’m not a method actor. It’s one thing to read about the hardships those explorers had to face, and then to actually live in the Polar Region and experience what life is really like in such an environment, it helped greatly with getting into character. And I have to say that Jensen was my role model when I prepared my role. He’s been to the North Pole, crossed the South Pole, and has been on expeditions along the Northwest and the Northeast Passages. He’s also part of a group of scientists and environmentalists that work for more public awareness to the problems of global warming and climate change.” Jensen’s heart speeds up as he listens to Jared’s passionate speech about Jensen’s life.

“That sounds very impressive.” Lipton turns to the camera and raises an eyebrow. “I think I’m interviewing the wrong person.”

Jared laughs heartily at the joke. “Yeah, compared to him a lot of macho men look like pansies. The funny thing is that he’s from Dallas, Texas. Just like me. Who’d think to find a Texas boy in North Alaska? I sure didn’t.”

“Are you still in contact with him, getting some last minute advice on the movie?” Jared’s reaction to the question is a heavy sigh. “Not right now. Him and me had a little falling out because of the media uproar and the stories that were written about me and Genevieve Cortese being a couple. Which is not true by the way.”

Lipton watches Jared like a hawk when he asks the next question. “If the stories about the affair between you and Genevieve Cortese aren’t true, why did you have a falling out?”

“Well, you see, Jensen and I were a couple. Since last summer actually. All the lies and the secrecy about our relationship got to him, and he called things off.” Jensen is frozen in front of the TV, watching Jared turn to the camera and looking right at him. “I’m sorry about what I did, and for not standing up when it was needed of me to do so.”

The uproar on TV, when the audience starts to react to Jared’s outing on TV, is only background noise. Jensen stares speechlessly at the television screen. Jared had come out on TV, to the whole world, and he’s asked Jensen for forgiveness.



continue: Part Ten